


as long as we fall together

by dominho



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Bisexual Male Character, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Confusion, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Drinking, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Getting Together, Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Sexual References, Slow Burn, not very explicit yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-10-04 01:46:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17295350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dominho/pseuds/dominho
Summary: And it's not okay, really. None of what Chan feels is okay because this isn't allowed.





	1. Chapter 1

“If you had to date one member of the group, who would it be?” 

 

It's a simple question, one idols get asked all the time, but it shakes him. Chan's never put thought into dating any of them, they're practically family for God's sake. Now that it's being forced into his consciousness, considering a relationship with one of them makes his chest tight and dread twist in the pit of his stomach. 

 

Chan lets his eyes roam over to Changbin and feels a smile tug at his lips. He’s been with him for years and Chan has grown very fond of him. Changbin is absurdly talented, handsome, and has a near perfect personality. 

 

He moves to Jisung who’s being his usual ridiculous self. Jisung is on the same boat as Changbin, unbelievably good at everything and unbelievably good looking. All three of them are best friends and spend more time with each other than they’d care to admit. Chan loves them, but only platonically.

 

He looks to Jeongin who's laughing at something Jisung said. He's undeniably adorable, but he's practically raised the kid. Chan can't even fathom thinking about him in that context. 

 

Woojin takes care of him so well. He's sweet with a honeyed voice to match and Chan would have lost his last bit of sanity had it not been for him. Woojin is the perfect friend, but he's just that: a friend. 

 

Seungmin is just as cute: kind eyes, subtle digs, and all. There's something endearing about the way he pokes fun at them, yet clings onto everyone the next minute. Regardless, Chan has no sort of romantic attraction toward him. 

 

Felix is his little brother. Chan helped him adjust to the culture and guided him through unfamiliar territory. He is handsome  and so pure, but their connection is familial.

 

Hyunjin has always been breathtaking. His full lips, beautiful smile, and perfect proportions are gorgeous. On top of that, he’s a complete sweetheart and never fails to make Chan smile. Maybe he’ll choose Hyunjin.

 

Chan turns his attention to Minho, who winks at him playfully, and panics. His cheeks feel hot ( _ why is he blushing?),  _ so he tears his eyes away. 

 

Minho. 

 

Minho has always made him flustered, but Minho is just objectively attractive. Everyone thought Minho was pretty and he has left them all red in the face at some point. More often than he cares to admit, he felt his chest swell with  _ something _ when he watched the younger, but he always wrote that off as admiration. 

 

“I think I’d date Minho.”

 

♡♡♡

 

It’s been a month since his mini Minho crisis and Chan is just as confused as before. They’re all eating chicken for dinner for convenience's sake and he can’t stop staring at him. The most mundane of Minho’s actions have started to make Chan’s heart pound.

 

It is, he thinks, kind of ridiculous. He was never this affected by him before, not to this degree, and nothing has changed, yet his head spins if Minho so much as looks at him. 

 

Minho is eating happily with greasy fingers that should be gross, but Chan oddly doesn’t mind and he wonders if he’s really throwing away his principles for Minho; Cleanliness has always been a must to Chan.

 

His cheeks are stuffed full and it’s really cute that his lips have to pucker out for him to talk. Oh my God, he really is losing his mind. Only heathens talk with their mouth full and they most definitely did not look endearingly childish doing it.

 

When Minho swallows, Chan watches the way his Adam’s apple bobs and feels his ears turn red. When he sucks his fingers clean, he notices Chan looking, and exaggerates the action.

 

Minho is really fucking attractive, Chan thinks. He’s always thought he was, everyone thinks Minho is attractive, but it really hits him now: pretty lips, piercing eyes, amazing body, pretty lips, delicate hands, silky hair,  _ pretty lips _ \- 

 

He is so effortlessly beautiful that if Chan were standing right now, he would be weak in the knees.

 

It's okay to think friends are hot. That doesn't mean anything. It's okay to want your friend's lips on yours. Yeah.

 

♡♡♡

 

Chan may have thought he wanted Minho to kiss him before, but now he knows that the real thing is horrible. 

 

They had to film some behind the scenes show and Minho had already been acting strange. Chan couldn't exactly place what it was at the time, but now he knows that Minho was up to no good. 

 

Chan had been walking through the hall, minding his own business when Minho blocked his path. They just stared at each other for a few seconds before Minho swooped down to peck his neck. 

 

Chan knew his ears were getting red, so he played it off in front of the cameras and promptly exited to have a breakdown in the bathroom where he is hiding now. 

 

He cups water in his hands with the intention of splashing it onto his face, but he remembers he's wearing makeup already. He would rather not be killed by their stylists and makeup artists. Instead, he takes a moment to steady his breathing. 

 

Chan looks at himself in the mirror and feels his gut twist. He feels guilty, like he's betraying Minho's trust somehow. It's not like he actually did anything deceptive, Chan just wishes he didn't have these confusing feelings toward the younger. 

 

When he rejoins the group, Minho gives him an unreadable look. He squints at Chan, eyebrows slightly pinched together and it makes him feel exposed. His expression softens after a moment and he's back to bothering Chan. 

 

“Hyung,” he slings his arm around Chan's shoulder. “You're so--”

 

He uses his free arm to motion vaguely, but Chan has no idea what that is supposed to mean. 

 

“So what?” 

 

“I don't know how to explain it,” Minho says, letting go of Chan. “But I like it.”

 

With that, he pats the top of Chan's head and walks over to annoy Jisung. 

 

♡♡♡

 

Minho is already unbearably adorable on any given day. Minho in pajamas acting cute for the cameras while he plays with Chan's fingers, though? He feels like his heart is going to burst out of his chest.

He keeps pulling his hand away from Chan's and he chases after Minho's. It's a silly, childish game, but there's a simple satisfaction that comes with finally getting to lace their fingers together. 

 

The way Minho smiles back at him, eyes sparkling is also quite wonderful. 

 

♡♡♡

 

Preparing for a comeback is never easy. Nights spent working instead of sleeping are more frequent, everyone gets a little snappier, and they're constantly exhausted both physically and mentally. Preparing for a comeback as the leader and one of the producers is even worse.

 

Chan hasn't left the studio all day. The bags under his eyes feel like they are weighing his eyelids down and his limbs feel like they are filled with lead. He's drained, but he needs to keep working. 

 

He promised he wouldn't stay past 2am after Woojin threatened to drag him out of the studio himself otherwise and now he regrets it. He needs to leave within the next few minutes if he wants to keep the promise, but something seems a  _ little _ off on this track and if he could just tweak the levels on this one --

 

Chan sighs, closing his laptop and packing up his things. A promise is a promise, he rationalizes. The walk to the dorms is short, but his legs barely carry him home. 

 

When he drags himself through the front door, he sighs. Chan puts his bag on the counter and notices a food container was left out. He goes to put it away and pauses when he sees a note on top of it. 

 

_ You're doing well, hyung!  _

_ Eat well too, okay? _

_                                -Minho ♡ _

 

Chan shakes his head, smiling.

 

♡♡♡

 

They’re filming introductions for Simply Kpop today and Chan has never hated how ticklish he is this much before. He thought it would be a relatively simple shoot, but now he is doing... _ this _ . Whatever  _ this _ is. Of course they would choose him to be subject to this torture. 

 

He squirms as they all poke various parts of his body, shivering whenever they touch his sensitive neck. The reactions are all played up for the sake of the camera, but when Minho runs his finger down his shoulder and across his back, the tremor that ripples through his body is very real. There’s momentary panic before he remembers he has to say his lines. 

 

“The warmth between us makes my heart pound,” he says, trying to be as cute as possible. 

 

They cut and get ready for the next scene. Minho and Hyunjin are supposed to hug him from the side and introduce the song. Chan mentally prepares himself, trying to relax and seem as natural as possible. The director calls for them to get to their respective places and motions for the cameras to start rolling again.

 

Chan places his hand over his heart dramatically and he can feel how awkward his face must look. Hyunjin slides to him first, putting an arm over Chan’s shoulder and looking at him intensely. It’s cute, Chan thinks. Then Minho stalks toward him, smiling, and pushes up against his other side. Chan’s gaze flickers toward him, he notices the mischievous glint in Minho’s eyes and looks back to the camera. 

 

He can see Minho’s hand moving up toward his face and he wants the floor to open up and swallow him. Chan expects something, but he doesn’t expect Minho to reach over and run his thumb over his bottom lip. His eyes widen and he feels his ears burn up because  _ what the hell was he doing? _ No one else seems to be shocked at the action, just waits for Minho to say his line.

 

His fingers reach for where Minho touched his lips and he knows he’s screwed. Chan likes him. There’s no use in denying how he feels at this point; the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, or something like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to follow me or yell at me, [here's my twitter](https://twitter.com/pentagonisms) and [here's my nsfw/fic account.](https://twitter.com/skzdominho)


	2. Chapter 2

He can't do this. He's sitting in the studio, trying to write, and all that's been going through his mind for the past hour is  _ Minho, Minho, Minho.  _ Even a sappy love song, which is not something he would typical make, seems impossible to produce right now. 

 

He groans and lets his head flop down onto the desk with a loud thud. His forehead is throbbing dully from the impact, but he's too frustrated to really care all that much. This stupid crush needs to go away already.

 

Chan can't really think of a time when he hadn't felt this way about Minho. He's always been a little giddy around him, always clung to him a little tighter than the other members, always marvelled at how handsome he was, always admired his determination, always loved the way he moved when he danced, always -

 

Okay, maybe this had escalated beyond a stupid crush. The thought terrified Chan.

 

“Hyung,” Minho calls, placing a soft hand on his shoulder. Chan flinches, sits up a little too quickly, and blinks at him with a dazed expression. “There you are.”

 

Chan wracks his brain for something, anything, to say, but he's so distracted by the younger. He doesn't know how he managed to get into the room unnoticed, but  _ wow, _ he’s gorgeous. Minho isn't wearing anything he hasn't seen him in before. It's an entire unspectacular outfit: a sleeveless black shirt and jeans. Today, though, it makes Chan feel like he's going to pass out. There's something terrifying about acknowledging just how attractive Minho is after the realization that maybe Chan has more than platonic feelings toward him. 

 

_ Calm down. Breathe. Come on, Chan. You’re fine. This is fine. It’s okay.  _

 

But it's not okay because he  _ likes  _ Minho _. A lot. _ It's not okay because falling for a member of his group is most definitely not allowed. It's not okay because the media would tear Chan apart if they knew about his sexuality. It's not okay because if anyone found out, it would destroy the group. It’s not okay because he doesn’t even know if Minho likes guys. Sure, maybe he's a little more affectionate than most others are with men, but Minho is, well, Minho. Beautiful, flirtatious, unattainable Minho. 

 

“Sorry. I'm just,” he pauses and runs a hand through his hair. “Tired, I guess.” It's not entirely untrue. He's always tired, but it's fine. He has to make sure he does as much as possible for the group. That's what a leader does and losing a little sleep over it wasn't a big deal to him. 

 

Minho hums, smile faltering slightly. He always has been one to worry about Chan overworking himself, even more so than the other members. Their eyes stay locked for a moment and Chan feels exposed, an irrational part of him saying Minho knows what’s really bothering him somehow. His chest is tight and his insides feel like they're turning to mush.

 

“Woojin and I are going out to eat and I thought you should come. I'm not asking, by the way, because I know you haven't eaten yet and you're too stubborn to leave this place before you're done. You don’t get a say in this.” Minho gives his shoulder a squeeze and smiles, full and beautiful. He doesn't think Minho is capable of ever looking, or being, less than perfect.

 

“Sure. Yeah. Definitely. Okay. Just let me finish this line up quickly and I'll be out in five.” Minho squints at him skeptically. “I promise.” There's nothing for him to actually finish. His notebook is full of awful, crossed out lyrics and his computer screen is painfully blank.

 

Minho, thankfully, either doesn't notice it or doesn't question him about it. He just flashes an approving smile and slips out of the room as quietly as he had entered.

 

Chan huffs out a sigh and leans back in his chair. He notices only now that his hands are shaking and prays for things to go back to the way they were before.

 

♡♡♡

 

“Channie hyung, you're so cute.” Minho pokes his cheek where his dimple would be and Chan swats away his hand.

 

Minho is especially touchy today for whatever reason. The entire time they have been backstage, he has clung onto someone and now it's Chan's turn to be smothered. Minho wraps his arms around his waist and Chan feels his face grow hot.

 

“If this is your way of buttering me up to get something, it's not gonna work.” Chan mumbles, resting his hands atop Minho's. It probably would work, in all honesty, he thinks as he leans into the touch. Minho is soothing, comfortable in a familiar way, and Chan has to remind himself that he isn't supposed to be enjoying this as much as he does. 

 

“Not even if I give you a kiss? I know you like me, hyung.” Minho's lips are a few inches from his ear and Chan can hear him smiling.

 

Chan's muscles tense and he can feel himself start to sweat. Minho knows. He knows about his crush somehow. He’s going to use it against him and probably tell everyone. _Not even if I give you a kiss?_ _I know you like me, hyung._ _Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. You like me._

 

Minho laughs. Joke. Right. Of course. He always teases everyone. It’s not like he’s never said things like this before. Chan joins in with a forced chuckle a beat too late.

 

“You are such a mess.” 

 

“You love me anyway,” Minho tightens his grip a fraction. “But I don’t actually want anything. I just love you a lot. All of you.”

 

“I’m supposed to be the softie here.” Chan removes Minho’s hands, spins around so he can hug the younger too, and let’s them settle on his back instead. 

 

“Maybe.” Minho pulls away and holds him by the hips. The proximity makes Chan’s pulse race. Minho is so -- it feels -- 

 

“Stray Kids! You guys are up in five!” Their manager peaks his head into the waiting room and beams. Chan wiggles his way out of Minho’s grip, the touch feeling a bit too intimate for him to see. It’s really not, logically. They’ve been in much more questionable positions before, but he’s on edge and doesn’t want to take any risks.  _ (Risks of what?) _

 

Chan forces himself not to think about the way his insides turned to mush when Minho smiles at him. 

 

♡♡♡

 

The kids are all giddy on the way to the airport, bouncing in their seats and chatting much too excitedly for people awake at an ungodly hour of the morning. 

 

“Thailand,” Seungmin beams. “This is so exciting.” He wiggles around in his seat and it amazes Chan just how much he seems like a puppy sometimes. 

 

“I know,” Felix smiles back just as brilliantly before turning to Chan. “Hyung, would it be better to speak in English? Like, lots of people speak English in Thailand, right?”

 

He shrugs, still half asleep and not prepared to do any sort of thinking right now. 

 

“Hyung is too tired,” Minho pipes up from beside him as if he had read his mind. “Take a nap. I’ll wake you when we get there, okay?”

 

Minho puts his arm around him and nudges Chan’s head down onto his shoulder. He pets his curly hair softly and he melts into it, eyes fluttering closed.

 

“Hyung should sleep more,” Jeongin whispers, but it’s still loud enough for everyone to hear. Chan isn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but knowing Jeongin, it probably was.

 

“Hush,” Minho scolds. 

 

“I’m right, though.”

 

“I know, but he...he knows, I think.” Minho rests his cheek atop Chan’s head and he has to fight back a smile. 

 

The other members are still chatting away incessantly, but everything seems to fade into the back of Chan’s mind while he’s pressed against Minho. The way his heartbeat is drumming in his ears means they must have turned red by now, but he doesn’t mind; he is far too busy enjoying the moment to be bothered.  

 

With Minho’s fingers carding through his hair, he drifts to sleep much more easily than he has in a while.

 

♡♡♡

 

Minho has been stressing over his dance solo for weeks despite everyone reassuring him that his moves are practically flawless. Actually being in Thailand seems to have increased his worry by tenfold and Chan wants nothing more than to kiss him and tell him that everything is going to be alright.

 

“No, but really, hyung. Is there anything at all I can fix?” Minho looks so vulnerable wearing an oversized shirt. He sits at the edge of the bed and Chan notices he isn’t wearing any pants. He tears his eyes away and shakes his head. 

 

“Minho,” Chan places his hands on his shoulders and stares at him intensely. “You are phenomenal. You know more about dance than I could ever hope to and you’ve never let me down. Tomorrow won’t be any different. Trust me, you are going to do so well. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

 

The younger visibly relaxes and Chan pulls him into a tight hug. Minho takes the opportunity to move them so they’re laying beside each other. 

 

“Can I sleep with you?” Minho asks, slinging an arm over Chan’s waist. The older takes a moment to get his mind out of the gutter before responding. 

 

“Of course.” He musters up the courage to plant a peck on Minho’s nose. “You need to rest up anyway. Goodnight, Minho. I believe in you. Always will. I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too.” 

 

Chan thinks, given how natural this all felt, he might have loved Minho all along. 

 

♡♡♡

 

Chan looks himself over in the mirror, making sure he is presentable before they go on stage. He feels really good about his looks today. Although he doesn’t know why a sleeveless shirt cause such a big reaction, the fans have been freaking out over his look. The praise and adoration make him happy and more confident, so he can’t really complain. 

 

Minho appears out of nowhere to rest his chin on his shoulder and put his hands on a very startled Chan’s hips.

 

“You look good. Really good, like, wow.” Minho rakes his dark eyes over Chan’s whole body through the mirror and he shivers. “You should show your arms off more often.” 

 

And he’s gone, leaving Chan blushing and confused. Thankfully, they get called up to the stage right after, so the feelings don’t have time to fully sink in.

 

♡♡♡

 

Rooming with Minho while they are overseas was a new kind of painful. The first day, Chan was too exhausted and busy to really take notice of it, but Minho has certain…. _ habits _ . 

 

“I want to celebrate,” Minho whines. He has one towel drying off his hair and the other wrapped around his waist as he walks out of the bathroom. “Have drinks with me, hyung.”

 

“First of all, why are you naked?” Chan rakes his eyes away from the younger, feeling his ears go red. “Second of all, what are we celebrating exactly?”

 

“A successful Kcon? Travelling abroad? Being here? There’s plenty of things worth celebrating, hyung.” Minho sits on the edge of Chan’s bed and pouts. 

 

“You just want an excuse to drink, don’t you?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

♡♡♡

 

Having drinks with one of your best friends that you may or may not be in love with is a stupid idea and only an idiot would actually go through it. Chan is, in fact, an idiot. 

 

He had initially agreed to have one bottle of soju, but then one turned to a few before he realized it. Now they’re both a couple of sips away from being shitfaced. It’s nice, he thinks, to let go for a bit and relax.

 

“Hyung,” Minho whines, resting his head on Chan’s shoulder. He was always extra clingy when he drank and an equally drunk Chan was brave enough to sling his arm around the younger’s shoulder. “You know, ‘m really proud of you.”

 

“What?” Chan looks down at Minho, puzzled. 

 

“You do so much shit for us all the time and you always do so well.” Minho taps the tip of Chan’s nose, punctuated with a high  _ boop _ .

 

“Least I can do. You guys helped me finally debut after all these fucking years.” He smiles bittersweetly. 

 

“Must’ve been hard.” Minho shifts so his arms are wrapped around Chan’s middle. “And lonely.”

 

“Yeah. Sometimes it still is. Like, when I get into my head, shit just…”

 

He didn’t mean to bring the mood down, but his brain to mouth filter isn’t running properly. Minho looks up at him thoughtfully. 

 

“I’m here,” Minho whispers. It feels oddly intimate even by Minho standards. “So you can be less lonely.”

 

Chan has just enough sense left to not lean down and kiss Minho. It almost feels right, like the mood permits it and kissing him wouldn’t be a completely terrible thing. Almost. 

 

“Tired.”  _ Of feeling this way. Of not getting to kiss you. Of not being your boyfriend. Of loving you so painfully. _ “I think I’m gonna go to bed.”

 

“You wanna sleep with me?” Minho asks and Chan’s mind is apparently still stuck in the gutter.

 

“ _ What? _ ” Chan all but shrieks, face heating up. 

 

“I didn’t think you were such a pervert, hyung.” Minho laughs and it’s a brilliant sound. 

 

“Shut up!”

 

“But can we actually sleep together?  _ Not _ in that way?” His voice has a teasing lilt to it that makes Chan want to be swallowed whole by the couch. “Unless you want that too.” Minho winks and bursts into another fit of laughter.

 

“I can’t stand you,” Chan grumbles, guiding Minho to his bed on wobbly legs. "Remind me to never drink with you again."

 

When they lay down and Minho cuddles up against him, there’s an ache in his chest. He wishes the context was different, that they were sharing a bed and cuddling because Minho loved Chan back. He wishes he could kiss him goodnight the way he wants to and kiss him again in the morning even though they both have gross morning breath. He wished he wouldn’t even care about the fact that Minho had morning breath because he is so in love with him it doesn’t matter what he tastes like. 

 

He wishes and wishes and wishes until he falls asleep. 

  
  


♡♡♡

 

His feelings are really getting out of hand, no longer able to be waved off as a fleeting infatuation, and it’s beginning to hurt to think about the fact that Minho is completely unattainable. The ache has grown into something impossible to ignore, something that makes him feel trapped.

 

When they’re back home in Korea, Chan decides he needs to talk to someone about it. It’s difficult because it can’t be any of the members for obvious reasons (he hasn’t come out to any of them yet and God knows how much of a mess that could be) and he spends all of his time either in the dorms or at the company, which leaves little time to do much of anything other than work.

 

_ can I come over? _

_ like, rn? _

 

He types out the message frantically before locking his phone and flopping down on his bed. As soon as he had free time, he had jumped on the opportunity to sort things out.  His phone buzzes after a few minutes and he reads the message as fast as possible.

 

_ ugh i guess loser. whatever ///: _

_ jk of course u can _

 

Chan has never been so happy to be insulted. He slips on his shoes, tells Changbin he’ll be back later tonight, and walks the few minutes it takes to get to Jimin’s place. 

 

“Hey,” she greets when she opens the door and Chan breaks.

 

“Jimin,” he whispers, feeling stupid tears well up in his eyes. It is as if every emotion and every problem he has carefully tucked away is finding its way back into his consciousness. “Jimin, I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Come here.” She tugs him into her room with a soft hand and sits them on the bed. “What’s going on?”   
  


He’s sobbing now, gross and ugly with snot dripping down his face. His mouth keeps opening to explain what he's been feeling, but all that will come out are broken cries. Jimin hushes him, pulling his head into her lap and running her hands through his hair. It's comforting, makes him feel safe until he's calm enough to speak. 

 

“I think I might be in love with a guy,” he mumbles. He feels Jimin recoil.

 

“Channie…” She's looking down at him pitifully. 

 

He came out to her years ago. They were both still trainees and he developed an odd crush on Yugyeom that she still makes fun of him for to this day. He was the first boy he had a crush on and 16 year old Chan had to talk to  _ someone _ about it. She was, of course, really supportive when he came out as bisexual. 

 

“And guess who it is?” He laughs hollowly. “Fucking Minho.” His voice breaks and it makes him feel pathetic. 

 

It’s the first time he actually says it and his feelings are suddenly very real. He really is in love with Minho. He loves the way he teases everyone, he loves how odd he is at times, he loves how introspective he can be, he loves how strong he is,  he loves how the area around his eyes crinkles up when he smiles, he loves how comfortable he is, he loves how he reduces Chan to a blushing mess when he dances, he loves how his lips curl up into a smirk, he loves how much he worries about the members, he loves loves loves  _ him _ .

 

“Oh God. Does he… do they even know that you're bisexual yet? How long have you had feelings for him?” She reaches to intertwine their fingers and wipe his tears with her free hand. 

 

“No. I couldn't - I can't. They would never act the same around me. And I don't know, probably for as long as we’ve known each other? I can’t really think of a time when he didn’t make me feel all flustered. God, this is such a mess.  _ I’m _ such a mess. I already hate having to hide part of myself and now this is another thing I have to keep away from them.”

 

“I’m so sorry. I wish there was more I could do,” Jimin sighs. 

 

“Just being here is enough.” Chan leans into her touch, enjoying how her nails scratch lightly at his scalp. “I needed to get all of that out. I feel like I'm suffocating by holding all of this in.”

 

Jimin's hand stills.

 

“Channie, this is going to be really hard to handle, but I think you need to tell them. Or at least Felix. I know he'll be chill about it. You can’t keep bottling things up and I can’t always physically be there for you, unfortunately. Just because you’re the leader doesn't mean your feelings don't matter.” She gives his hand a squeeze and thumbs at his cheek softly.

 

“Felix,” Chan repeats, sitting up. 

 

Felix is one of his best friends. Chan is close to all the members, but their bond is something special. He met Felix when he was a wide eyed kid that could barely speak any Korean. 

  
  


_ “Felix, is it?” he approached him as soon as he spotted him for the first time.  He opted to speak to him in English to make sure he was comfortable. _

 

_ “Yeah. Wait, that’s English, are you Australian?” Felix looked like he could cry from relief. His shoulders relaxed as if he’d been tense enough to curl into himself for days.  _

 

_ “Yep. My name’s Chris, or Chan. People usually call me Chan around here because it’s easier for them. It must be hard adjusting to the language and everything on your own. I’d be happy to help. Come with me, yeah?” _

 

_ He was afraid Felix really would cry with the way his eyes shimmered with tears, but he only nodded and followed him to meet the rest of the boys. After the encounter, Felix refused to leave his side, not that Chan minded. _

 

_ He grew to love him pretty quickly, as did anyone that encountered Felix, and thought of him as his younger brother. Weeks went by where they trained all day and Chan helped him with his Korean at night. They made lots of progress together and Chan couldn’t have been prouder. Before they knew it, they were set to debut as a family. _

 

_ “Hyung,” he’d said, staring down at his hands and concentrating on his words. “I couldn’t have done this without you. You're my inspiration, my motivation, and you got me through all of this. I love you and I seriously can’t thank you enough.” _

 

_ Chan felt his heart swell and he pulled him into a bone crushing hug. He tried to hold back tears, but couldn’t fight them back.  _

 

_ “Did I say it right?” He went back to English. Chan nodded, laughing into his shoulder.  _

  
  


He knows Felix loves him. Felix would never turn his back on him. He can trust Felix.

 

“I think I can tell him tonight.”  
  


♡♡♡

 

He’s going to do it. He’s going to come out to Felix and it will be okay. It  _ has _ to be okay. Chan will be okay and everything will be a little better afterwards.

 

He changes into his pajamas and prepares himself for it. He plans out a little of what he’s going to say, which doesn’t include the part where he’s in love with their fellow member. He can’t drop that bomb on Felix right now. 

 

“Can we talk?” Chan has his head poked around the corner to look at Felix. The younger is sprawled out on the couch, one earbud in while he scrolls through his phone. 

 

“Sure,” Felix says, expression a cross between shock and worry. When Chan smiles at him reassuringly, his face relaxes and he returns the gesture. Felix tucks his phone into his back pocket with his earbuds and follows Chan into his room. He holds the door open for Felix and locks it behind them. “What’s up?”

 

“English,” Felix nods. “I don’t really know how to do this. Can you - can we sit? Please?”

 

Chan’s panicking now, his palms are already clammy and he can feel his heart beating in his ears. He wipes his hands on his pants and steels himself. Felix, sweet caring Felix, seems to take notice and frowns. They sit across from each other, cross legged on Chan’s bed, and Felix holds his hands. He’s rubbing soothing circles against his skin with one of his thumbs.

 

“You okay?” 

 

“I... need to tell you something really, um, important, but I don’t want the others to know,” Chan says, eyebrows pinched together in worry. He meets Felix’s eye and has to swallow down the lump in his throat. “Please don’t - just - can you promise me you won’t hate me?”

 

“What? I could never hate you,” Felix shakes his head. “You mean the world to me.” He tightens his grip on Chan’s hands and smiles the way he always does when Chan is overwhelmed. 

 

“I’m scared,” Chan whispers and he feels himself start to unravel. “Felix, I’m so scared. I don’t want you or anyone to hate me. I don’t want anything to change. I don’t want to hurt anyone or ruin anything. I just want to - to -  _ be _ .”

 

Chan doesn’t realize he’s crying until Felix is hugging him. He can’t breathe and he’s grasping at strings to pull himself together, but he’s failing and he’s trembling and he can’t, he can’t, he can’t -

 

“I’ve got you. It’s okay, I’ve got you.” 

 

“Felix, it’s not - I’m not - this could ruin us.  _ I  _ could ruin us. What if - if - if -”    
  
“Hey,” Felix holds him tighter, cutting off his rambling. “Listen to me. I swear to you that we’ll get through this. No matter what, I’m going to help you and protect you from everything. Whatever you’re going through, let’s go through it together, yeah? You don’t have to do this alone anymore.” 

 

His voice is soft and warm, blanketing Chan in a bit of relief. He’s got ahold of himself enough to breathe again and decides it’s now or never.

 

“I’m bisexual.”

 

“Oh,” Felix lets go of him and Chan thinks this is it. This is where he’s disgusted and never wants to talk to him or look at him or cuddle with him or - “Jesus, I thought you did something awful. Why would I ever hate you for that? I thought you would know I’m not that kind of person by now. Plus, I - I have been going through something similar, if I’m being honest.”

 

Chan feels the pressure in his chest dissolve into happiness unlike any he’s felt in a long time. 

 

“Thank you. I feel so much better finally being able to say tha- wait what?” The last bit of Felix’s words catch up to him belatedly.

 

“I wanted to tell you forever ago, but I didn’t want to make things harder on you.” Chan feels a pang of guilt at that. “But now that we’re on the topic of confessions, I also have to tell you something that’s probably much worse, but I know you won’t judge me or anything, so...”

 

Felix is playing with a piece of thread that’s poking out from the bottom of his shirt and blushing. He chews on his bottom lip like he’s trying not to smile and Chan thinks he looks younger again, like the kid he’d approached all that time ago: shy, unsure, and embarrassed yet excited. 

 

“Go for it.” 

 

“I think I might like Changbin hyung.”

 

The confession is both shocking and unsurprising. They were always extra affectionate with each other and Felix has said less than platonic things about Changbin, but Chan just assumed they were playing it up for the fans. It’s so obvious, really, and it makes Chan smile. 

 

“Oh my God. That’s so cute, aw. Is he your first crush on a guy?” Felix nods. “That’s even cuter. Just be careful, yeah? Changbin is a mystery sexuality wise, honestly. I’ve never heard about him being interested in anyone at all.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll probably never really act on it, but,” Felix moves his arms around, gesturing in a way Chan can't decipher. “Yeah. I guess, that’s that. Woah, you’re the only person I’ve ever told about my possible bisexuality. I’m glad it was you. I would trust you with any of my secrets.” Felix lays down. He pats the empty space next to him and makes grabbing motions with his hands. 

 

“I trust you too,” he laughs, wrapping his arms around Felix. He can tell him. He has to. Chan sighs and breathes out, “I’m in love with Minho and I think I’ve always been. It’s terrifying and I can’t look at him without feeling breathless or touch him without never wanting to let go. I’ve never had feelings this strong for anyone. He’s just so perfect and I’m afraid..”

 

A heavy silence hangs in the air for what feels like forever, but can’t be more than a few seconds. 

 

“That explains a lot, actually.”

 

“What?” Chan recoils. “What does that even mean?

 

Felix shakes his head and laughs. He wiggles further into Chan’s embrace and says, “Tired. Goodnight, hyung. I love you. Thank you for telling me.”

 

Chan finally sleeps through the entire night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got sad faster than I anticipated. anyway, please leave comments!! I crave validation! as always, thank you for reading!
> 
> if you want to follow me or yell at me, [here's my twitter](https://twitter.com/pentagonisms) and [here's my nsfw/fic account.](https://twitter.com/skzdominho)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has smut in it!!!!! It isn't too explicit, but yeah. You can skip it if you want to. It starts with "The thing about living..." and ends with "Chan is officially going to hell." You can probably infer what happens without reading that part. Anyway, happy reading! Comments are very much appreciated.

Chan notices that Minho’s lips naturally fall into a pout and it makes his head spin. He wants nothing more than to know what they would feel like against his, to kiss the pout off of his lips. They always look so soft and plush and Chan just -

 

Felix elbows him in the arm and Chan turns to him with wide eyes. The younger stifles a laugh and leans in toward his ear. 

 

“Stop staring,” he whispers with a teasing lilt. “You’re not being very subtle right now.”

 

“Sorry.” Chan flushes, pressing the backs of his hand to his cheeks to cool them down.  

 

“Cute.” Felix smiles wide and laces their fingers together.

 

Chan turns back toward the stage, trying his best to keep his gaze on the group practicing and away from Minho.

 

♡♡♡

 

Felix gives really good hugs and he is very good at comforting Chan. His Minho troubles have been particularly overwhelming this week with the first week of promotions because the stylists keep insisting on making Minho look even more ethereal than he already is. 

 

“You are so whipped,” Felix laughs, squeezing Chan a little tighter. “You think you’ll ever confess to him?”

 

“God, no. That’s - I can’t. Even if, and that’s a pretty big if, he likes guys, I don’t think he would like me of all people.” 

 

“Hey,” Felix sways them from side to side slowly. “You’re basically the perfect guy: talented, sweet, hardworking, funny, hot, and a billion other great things. If we weren’t basically brothers, I probably would have fallen for you by now, hyung.”

 

Chan thinks about it, him and Felix. It would be so much simpler and a lot less painful for the both of them if they had fallen in love instead. Felix is handsome and has an amazing personality, but he’s right; the love they share is more brotherly than anything. 

 

“You really are the sweetest thing, Lix.” Chan squeezes Felix’s cheeks together and coos at him. He presses a light kiss to his nose and laughs when the younger’s face heats up. “I wish it were you instead, honestly. It wouldn’t be so complicated that way.”

 

“Yeah,” Felix sighs and kisses Chan on the cheek. “Changbinnie hyung is confusing, but you? You wear your heart on your sleeve all the time.”

 

“No I don’t!”

Chan can be secretive if he wants to be. He's not  _always_ super obvious. Right? Felix is just a filthy liar that lives to tease Chan. Yeah. Definitely.

 

“Mhm, sure. That’s why your voice did the little squeaky think it does when you’re embarrassed.”

 

Chan pretends to punch him and frowns at him melodramatically.

 

“You are so mean to me.”

 

“What can I say,” Felix shrugs. “The truth hurts.”

 

♡♡♡

 

Chan spends most of his time these days clinging to Felix the same way he clings to his last bit of sanity. When Felix wraps his arms around him, it grounds him and reminds him that while things may be a train wreck now, he’ll always have the younger to lean on both literally and metaphorically.

 

It’s not like Chan  _ wants _ to spend so much time sulking over Minho, it sort of just happens and affection helps him stay somewhat calm when Chan gets too caught up on something Minho says or does. 

 

The others seem to have taken notice of Chan and Felix suddenly being attached at the hip, but don’t really question or mention it. Though Chan swears on his life he has seen Changbin look all disgruntled when he cuddles up against the younger, Felix refuses to believe him. Something about not wanting any sort of false hope when it comes to him.

 

Chan pretends not to see Felix periodically steal glances at Changbin to gauge his reaction when they hold each other. 

 

♡♡♡

 

Lee Minho wants Chan dead. He has to be plotting his demise because there is no other explanation as to why he's doing this. 

 

_ “Hyunjin,” Minho had called, strolling into the living room. He was holding something behind his back and Chan should have known it would mean bad news. “Can you help me with something?” _

 

He now knows that  _ something _ means putting red lipstick on Minho. Chan wants to look away from the way Minho’s lips part, but he can’t bring himself to turn away. Jisung has joined Hyunjin and Minho on the floor to watch it all happen. Felix, sweet supportive Felix, is across the room laying in Changbin’s lap and only laughs knowingly at Chan’s predicament.   

 

“Do I even want to know?” Woojin sighs as he enters the room, staring down at where the two dancers are kneeling. 

 

“He says Hyunjin looked pretty in lipstick yesterday, so he wanted to see if he would look good too. He probably just wants us to compliment him because he craves atten- ow!” Jisung is swiftly punched in the arm by Minho. 

 

“Well,” Woojin plops down on the couch beside Chan and scrolls through his phone. “Have fun, I guess.” Chan wants to scream that  _ this isn’t fun, this is torture, _ but he settles for looking down at his hands in an attempt to seem unaffected. 

 

“Done!” Hyunjin sounds proud of himself and it would be cute under any other circumstances. “Not bad.”

 

“How do I look?”

 

“I’m not going to entertain you, hyung.” Chan doesn't have to look up to know Minho is glaring at Jisung.

 

“Binnie, Lixie,” Minho calls, his pout audible. Chan keeps his gaze trained on his hands. “Am I pretty?”

 

“Nope,” Changbin teases.

 

“I guess?” Felix seems unsure of how he is supposed to respond. 

 

_ Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look. _

 

“Before you ask, you look the same way you always do, just with redder lips.” Woojin sounds completely disinterested. 

 

“Channie hyung,” Minho says, voice higher than usual. “What do you think?”

 

Now he can’t  _ not _ look; that would make him look suspicious, but he really doesn’t want to. His mouth feels dry and his blood runs cold as he steels himself. Swallowing, he looks up at Minho. He nearly chokes on his own spit when he sees that Minho has shuffled over to a spot on the floor only a few feet away from him, a smirk tugging at his lips. 

 

“You look good.” Chan isn’t sure how he is able to sound completely unphased when Minho is on his knees in front of him, looking as beautiful as ever.

 

“This is why you’re my favorite,” Minho giggles and blows him a kiss. He stares down at the kiss mark on his hand and pouts. “I didn’t think this through.”

 

“Definitely not,” Chan says. 

 

♡♡♡

 

The thing about living with eight other boys and having ridiculously busy schedules is that Chan never gets time to himself. When Changbin says he’s going out with Jisung for the night, Chan immediately jumps on the opportunity to get off.

 

Chan shrugs off his clothes and settles himself his back is pressed against the headboard. Sighing, he wraps a hand around his cock while the other reaches under his pillow to grab the lube. He coats his fingers in it.

 

With his heels digging into the mattress, Chan lifts his hips and pushes his middle finger into himself. He huffs out a breath and screws his eyes shut as he draws it out only to slam it back into his hole. 

 

It takes him a moment to find a rhythm that works for him; he fucks his fingers into himself desperately and fists his cock at the same hurried pace. Tiny moans slip past his lips despite his best efforts to stay quiet. 

 

Chan had made it a point not to think about Minho when he gets off, but just this once, he lets his mind drifts to how Minho looked on his knees and he twitches. Chan imagines those pretty red lips leaving stains across his body and wrapping around his cock. The image is absolutely sinful and he's burning up in shame. 

 

Once he finds a good angle to fuck himself at, he wonders what it would be like if it was Minho instead. Minho's tongue, Minho's fingers, Minho's cock. Fast, slow, gentle, rough. He thinks he would like anything as long as it was Minho giving it to him. The finger in Chan's ass prods at his prostate and he sucks in a shuddering gasp followed by a low moan. 

 

He's so so close, only seconds from coming when he hears the door click open.

 

“Hyung, do you -” Minho freezes at the same time Chan does. They both flush bright red and Chan really wishes he could disappear. 

 

If he had just been jerking off, it would be a completely different story; he could just brush it off because the members have walked in on each other plenty of times before, but he's  _ fingering himself.  _ There isn't much else he could be thinking about other than getting fucked and it’s so humiliating. He probably looks like a mess, fucked out and panting with his finger still pressed deep in himself and -

 

His hips twitch a fraction and his finger grazes his sweet spot again. Chan comes all over himself, whimpering pathetically with his eyes locked on Minho's until they flutter shut from a particularly strong wave of pleasure. 

 

“I-” 

 

He wants to apologize for being fucking gross, but Minho is gone when he opens his eyes. He flops onto his back, pulls a pillow over his face, and groans. 

 

Chan is officially going to hell.

  
  


♡♡♡

 

Minho hasn't looked him in the eyes in three full days. Chan can't really blame him, though. Walking in on your friend getting off and said friend coming as soon as you look at them? A pretty good reason to feel awkward around them.

 

Still, Chan misses him. He misses going out late at night to eat with him and Woojin. He misses cuddling on the couch. He misses Minho spouting nonsense out of nowhere 

  
  


“What's up with you and Minho hyung?” Changbin asks.

 

“I guess you could say we found ourselves in a very uncomfortable and awkward situation.” Chan leans back in the computer chair and rolls himself across the studio to rest his chin on Changbin's shoulder. “Now he won't talk to me.”

 

“He walked in on you, didn't he?” 

 

Chan's ears burn and his muscles tense up. The window to deny it has closed and his reaction has to have been incriminating. Changbin laughs through his nose and pats him on the head. 

 

“That happens to all of us more often than I'd like, though. He's been being weird with you for days over that? Weird.” 

 

“Minho's weird,” Chan blurts out, trying to prevent further questions. 

 

“You have a point.” Changbin nods in understanding. “Talk to him, hyung. I'm tired of the awkwardness that stuffs up the room whenever you two are near each other.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

♡♡♡

 

Chan has been standing outside of Minho's door for a while now. He isn't sure what to say to him, but he needs to clear the air as soon as possible. It seems to be much easier said than done because his feet feel like they're bolted to the floor and he can’t find the strength to lift his hands to knock. 

 

He thinks of  How things had been between them the past week. The awkward exchanges and the careful distance Minho keeps away from him have been painful. Chan doesn't want their friendship to deteriorate over him not being able to control himself. 

 

“Minho,” he calls, knuckles tapping the wood of the door softly. “It's me. Can I come in?”

 

Chan hears shuffling, the mattress creaking, and sock covered feet making their way toward him. He takes deep breaths to calm himself and puts on a brave face when the knob turns. 

 

“Hey,” Minho says softly, motioning for Chan to enter. “What's up?”

 

“I'm really sorry.” Chan cringes at himself. “For… you know. I don't want things to be awkward and...yeah. I'm sorry.”

 

Smooth. 

 

“It's fine. I'm the one that should be sorry for invading your privacy.” Minho still won't look him in the eye and Chan feels an ache in his chest at that.

 

“I don't want things to be weird anymore,” Chan whispers, placing a hand on Minho's shoulder. He flinches at the contact. “I - sorry.”

 

Chan tries (and fails) to ignore just how much more the action hurts him. He can feel himself starting to panic because  _ fuck _ he’s ruined everything and now Minho is going to hate him and the group,  _ their family _ won’t ever be the same. Minho won’t look at him, won’t touch him, will barely talk to him, and it’s all Chan’s fault. 

 

“Wait. No, I'm just - I don't know how to say what I want to yet.” The tension in Minho’s muscles seems to lessen by a fraction and Chan considers it at least some sort of progress.

 

“Oh,” Chan isn't sure what that means, but he nods as if he understands regardless. He puts up a nonchalant front surprisingly well despite feeling like he might burst at any moment. “We can talk later if you need time.”

 

“I think that’s best, hyung.” Minho offers a small smile that Chan returns before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to follow me or yell at me, [here's my twitter](https://twitter.com/pentagonisms) and [here's my nsfw/fic account.](https://twitter.com/skzdominho)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some sexual tension near the end, so be warned! Also, I am so sorry about slow updates ;; I got pretty busy last month, so I had no time to write ;; This is short and shitty and I am so sorry

 

_ Later  _ doesn’t come for almost an entire week, with Minho approaching Chan after they finish their schedules for the day.

 

Chan is, quite frankly, exhausted. Being drained pretty much comes with the whole idol job, but today had been particularly taxing and he honestly just wants to hibernate for a few weeks. Chan doesn't want to deal with changing into pajamas let alone Minho lurking outside of his room.

 

After a few minutes of Minho mumbling to himself (he probably thinks Chan isn't paying attention to him, but he  _ always _ pays attention to Minho), he makes his presence known. 

 

“Can I ask you something? Like, can we be serious for a minute? It’s about, um, the  _ thing _ .” Minho hovers in the doorway, shifting his weight between his legs. 

 

Chan internally panics, mind racing to develop some sort of plan for dealing with whatever Minho has to say to him.

 

“Yeah, sure. Go for it.”    
  


“I wanted to ask you sooner, but I didn’t know how to ask properly. I mean, I still don’t know how to, but it’s been on my mind for a while, so...” Minho takes a deep breath. “Hyung, are you - um - gay?”

 

Chan’s heart drops and everything is fuzzy. The hum of the A/C is suddenly much too loud and the room feels hot. His palms are gross and moist. His throat is almost painfully dry. His lungs refuse to function properly. His skin is buzzing with panic. His chest is tight and heavy. 

 

Chan knows there’s no right way for him to answer this. Everything he had so carefully hid away is out in the open now and nothing could have prepared him for it. He can’t even play it off at this point. The window for denying it and turning the whole thing into a moment they could all laugh about later closes before Chan can speak. 

 

“No,” he replies flatly, voice sounding much more stable than he feels. 

 

It's technically not a lie, but it sure as hell feels like one when he says it. There are a million words lumped together in his throat and he's fruitlessly trying to swallow them all down. Apologies are burning a hole through his tongue while confessions cut off his air supply. He tries to blink away the sting of fresh tears welling. 

 

“I mean, if you are, that’s totally fine and I’ll one hundred percent support you, hyung. You don’t have to-”

 

“Minho,” Chan pleads, but the younger only seems to get more flustered. 

 

He really really wishes Minho would just stop talking. 

 

“It’s just that you have been super clingy with Felix lately and you get all flustered around him sometimes.” 

 

If only Chan could be literally anywhere else right now.

 

“Minho,” Chan sighs, pressing his palms to his eyes. Now everything is spiraling into even more dangerous territory he really isn't prepared to deal with.

 

“And when I walked in on you, you were fi-” 

 

Okay, he is definitely not prepared to discuss  _ that,  _ nor does he think he will ever be. 

 

“For the love of God, Minho, please let me talk,” Chan insists, voice breaking on the younger’s name. He lets his hands fall from his face into his lap with a thud and Minho shrinks in on himself apologetically. This is probably the worst case scenario and Chan really was not planning on having this conversation so soon. “I’m seriously not gay.”

 

Chan laces his fingers together to hide how badly he's shaking, hoping to project some semblance of calmness and control.  He thinks he might vomit with the way the pressure inside him builds, builds, builds. 

 

“Okay,” Minho seems embarrassed for a moment and Chan can’t stop himself from thinking about how cute he is when he blushes. “Sorry for assuming. That’s...it was fucked up of me and - yeah. I’m really sorry.”

 

The room falls painfully silent for a moment. It looks like Minho wants to say something else, but he doesn’t end up adding anything, so Chan decides he should instead.

 

“I’m bisexual,” Chan breathes out, knowing he will probably regret this later. 

 

Or now. Yeah, he regrets it now. Anxiety settles under his skin as an uncomfortable buzz and  _ holy shit that was a huge mistake _ .

 

“Oh.” Minho deadpans. Chan has no idea what that means and it only fuels his frantic thoughts. His heartbeat seems to thrum throughout his entire body, pumping fear into his blood.

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Another beat of silence hangs.

 

“That’s... nice.”

 

“Don’t be awkward about it now,” Chan fakes a laugh  to lighten the mood. There’s a small wave of relief that bathes him, but remnants of worry stubbornly cling to him. “I’m still the same me, but now you just know I like guys too.”

 

“Sorry, I’m just processing everything.” He smiles and Chan feels like he can’t breathe for an entirely different reason. “Do the others know?”

 

“Just Felix.” Minho’s face drops for a split second, seemingly hurt that Chan had told Felix, but not him. “I didn’t know how you guys would react and we both grew up overseas where things aren’t as bad, so I haven’t told anyone else yet.”

 

“I’m pretty sure none of them are homophobic or anything. If they are, I’ll have to beat their asses for you.”

 

That's good, Chan thinks. Aggressive, but good. 

 

“Thank you for promising to fight our best friends on my behalf.” He didn’t know he could possible love Minho more than he already did, but here he is doing just that. “I just don’t want them to think that I’ll suddenly be in love with them or something after I come out. Like, they’re family to me and I don’t want them being weird and distant, you know?”

 

The irony almost makes Chan laugh because he  _ is _ in love with Minho, yet he is one of the two people he has told. 

 

Minho nods, letting out an understanding noise. He looks at his hands for a moment, furrowing his brow as if trying to find a way to put his thoughts into words again. 

 

“I won’t let this change anything. I promise. I’ll be here for you, hyung.”

  
  


♡♡♡

  
  


In the moment, Chan had been really glad that Minho said him coming out wouldn’t change anything between them. For a couple of days, it was true; Minho acted exactly the same with Chan. He eventually, however, started to change his behavior. 

 

Minho was suddenly very clingy, even by Chan’s standards. It seemed as if he was overcompensating, wanting to make sure Chan knew that he really meant it when he said he didn’t care, which was endearing, but it was also a bit terrifying. 

 

“You're so cute,” he giggles, poking Chan's dimple from across the couch. “Cute, cute, cute.” He punctuates each word with another poke. 

 

“Thanks,” Chan laughs, making it a point to keep his eyes glued to his phone. He knows his stupid ears are red and hates it. 

 

“Have I ever told you,” Minho mumbles, scooting close enough to Chan that he can feel the younger's breathe as he rests his head on Chan's shoulder. Chan feels a shiver run down his spine and goosebumps break out of his skin when Minho lets out a puff of air against his neck. “How much I appreciate you?”

 

“Nope,” Chan lies, suppressing a teasing smirk. “Not even once. All my hard work goes unappreciated by you. Woe is me.”

 

“Hey,” Minho grabs a nearby pillow and wacks him with it before Chan can shield himself. “This is slander! It was a rhetorical question, you ass!” 

 

Minho tackles him, pillow still in tow, and continues his attack. Chan just laughs at how easy it is to rile him up and enjoys the familiarity of this: pushing each other’s buttons and play fighting like kids. 

 

Eventually, Minho tires himself out and slumps down on top of Chan. 

 

“Hey, get off me.” He doesn't really want Minho gone, but he squirms around like he does anyway.

 

“Don't tell me what to do, loser.” 

 

Minho loves to disobey him just for the sake of being contrary. He shifts so he is front is pressed to Chan's back and wraps himself around Chan like a koala. 

 

This is...new. Chan is usually the one to initiate skinship, which meant he was always the big spoon. Now he's got Minho cuddling up against him and rubbing his cheek against his back. It's really nice to be held for a change, anchored to reality by someone else's warm.  _ Minho’s _ warmth. 

 

“Brat.”

 

Chan could probably get used to this if it were literally anyone else, but with Minho he’s vulnerable.

 

“You love me.” Minho squeezes him tighter. 

 

_ I do _ . 

 

“Eh, you’re alright.” 

 

Minho pinches one of his nipples in retaliation and it takes everything in Chan not to groan. A choked off noise still manages to slip out and Minho is losing it. Meanwhile, Chan is curling in on himself and trying desperately to ignore how closely he’s pressed to the other man. Chan has seen him do this to the others before, a means of getting them to leave him alone, but he’s never done it to him. 

 

“ _ Why?” _ Chan swallows, squeezing his eyes shut. 

 

“Because your suffering is entertaining.” Minho pinches the other one and Chan lets out a small, shaky moan. There isn’t any way Minho  _ doesn’t _ know what he’s doing. “Did you just-”

 

Minho cuts himself off with a snort, but makes no move to let go of Chan. 

 

“Speak of this to no one or I will end you.”

“I can’t make any promises.”

 

This time, Chan is the one to whack him with a pillow. 

 

“Asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to follow me or yell at me, [here's my twitter](https://twitter.com/pentagonisms) and [here's my nsfw/fic account.](https://twitter.com/skzdominho)


	5. Chapter 5

Chan has never been one to write songs about heartbreak. They all end up cheesy and far too angsty for his taste and yet, here he is: cramped up in the studio at 2AM for yet another night, writing about how he wishes he could be with Minho.

Music is the one way Chan can express himself without having to hold back, so he figures this should be the best course of action after nearly having a meltdown over Minho kissing the back of his hand.

 

_“What was that for?” Chan flushes, the ghost of Minho’s lips buzzing against his skin._

_“You have pretty hands,” Minho says, shrugging._

_Chan’s mind is in the gutter and his breath hitches as his mind races. He can barely croak out a strangled “thank you.”_

 

He doesn't really have the warm fuzzy feeling that came with his previous crushes, but the nervousness is there nonetheless. This time, it was much worse, much more painful; he wants to tell them all about his sexuality so badly it hurts, but he know it could break them.

Chan finds himself feeling guilty more than anything lately. For loving Minho, for hiding the truth, and for being so dysfunctional as of late.

 

_If only you knew the truth,_

_Knew the sins I bare in secret._

 

♡♡♡

 

“Hyung, I'm really worried about you. You haven't been sleeping enough. I mean, you never do, but I the only time I've seen you sleep is in the car.” Minho says, eyebrows knit.

“I'm fine.” It comes out with more bite than Chan wants it to, but he's already on edge from being so tired and it doesn't help that Minho is such a caring and painfully unattainable person.

“Channie hyung, you’re not fine.” The nickname makes Chan's heart ache. “I go to bed and you're awake. I wake up and you're awake here, in the same spot you were before I fell asleep. It's okay to rest. It's okay to ask for help. I'm here for you. Always, so please let me help you.”

Chan softens at that. God, he does need help, just not from Minho. It’s sad, really. Minho wanting to help him is only making him feel worse. Chan feels gross and selfish for it.

His feelings are so overwhelming and he doesn't want to go to Felix too often in fear of bothering him. Felix hasn't made any indication of being annoyed, but if he was, Chan knows he would never have the heart to tell him.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” His voice breaks on the last syllable as he tries to force down the lump in his throat.

“Are you okay?” Minho leans down, placing what is supposed to be a comforting hand on his cheek.

When he touches him, it feels like fire. Chan jerks away from Minho, rolling the chair back a foot, as if he’s been burned and Minho flinches. He looks taken aback, face scrunched and jaw dropped in a mixture of shock and confusion. He takes a step forward with his arm still outstretched and Chan panics.

“Don’t,” he says, louder than intended as he jolts away from him. He really wants to kiss Minho. “Please, just don’t.”

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” God, he sounds so genuinely worried and it hurts so badly. Chan wishes he could just stop loving him.

“Just - I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I can’t do this. I can’t. For your sake, don’t follow me.”

Chan runs to the bathroom and locks the door behind him as quickly as possible. As soon as the door is shut, he slides down it until he’s sitting on the floor. His last bit of self control is gone and he sobs harder than he ever has. He’s coughing, choking on his own breath, and he has to drag himself to the toilet because he’s on the verge of vomiting.

Once the nausea subsides, he curls himself into a ball and texts Felix.

 

_lix_

_feels like im dyinf_

_csnt bresth e righy_

_im in the bathorom plwase help_

 

_on my way_

_take deep breaths_

_unlock the door im outside_

 

Chan reaches up to oblige and lets his arm flop down onto his stomach. He realizes how pathetic he must look when Felix’s eyes widen.

“Oh, hyung,” Felix scrambles to cradle him in his arms after locking the door again. “No, no, come on. In for three, out for three. You’ve got it. There you go. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to feel like this. It hurts so bad. It hurts, it hurts.”

He hates making Felix take care of him. He hates seeing worry lines etched onto his face. He hates that his eyes are wet and he’s blinking away tears because he thinks he needs to be strong for Chan right now. He hates that Felix is just a kid, yet he’s dealing with someone who is supposed to be their leader having a stupid panic attack over something so stupid.

“ _It hurts._ I can’t do this. I’m so sorry. I can’t.” Chan can’t recognize his own voice. The words keep pouring out and it feels like he can’t control what he’s saying.

“What happened?” His voice breaks and so does Chan’s heart. “Please, I want to help in any way I can.”

It hits him just how ridiculous this is all going to sound. What is he going to say? _Minho was just being nice and I freaked out because it hurts more than he knows when he’s affectionate? Minho did the bare minimum and I had to leave before I did something I would regret?_

“He doesn’t even realize, Felix. He messes around with me and is all clingy and caring and fucking beautiful and he doesn’t even realize how much it affects me. I’m so fucking stupid for feeling like this.”

“You aren’t stupid. Love is just,” Felix pauses, taking a deep breath. “Difficult.”

_Difficult._

Chan laughs pitifully and the force of it hurts his chest.

 

♡♡♡

 

He hasn’t spoken to Minho outside of schedules in a full week and Chan can only hope it isn’t painfully obvious to the fans that they aren’t interacting the way they used to. It’s bittersweet, really; he doesn’t have to acknowledge the weight of his feelings, but he misses spending time with Minho.

He makes up for lost time by clinging even harder to Felix. It’s not fair to Minho and it certainly isn’t fair to Felix. Chan spends so much time running to the younger so Felix can lick his wounds and the last thing he wants him to think is that he’s a second choice or just a shoulder to cry on.

 

♡♡♡

 

“Felix,” Chan mumbles, reaching to cradle his face as best he can from his spot in Felix’s lap. “Changbin would be lucky to have you. You’re so good and pretty and caring and handsome and wonderful in every way.”

“Ah, hyung.” Felix waves him off and grins. “You flirting with me now?”

“Maybe.” Chan laughs and shifts so he’s straddling the blonde’s lap. He wishes he could convince himself that this was more than a joke, that he loved Felix instead; he’s sure Felix feels the same way.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Wait, for real?” Chan blinks and Felix only shrugs in response.

“Just to know if I like guys. For sure, you know?”

It’s a dumb reason, one Chan is pretty sure is made up, but he indulges regardless. They need this: whispered promises that everything will be okay, the quick press of their lips together, a type of closeness Chan craves more than anything, and the hushed giggles when they pull away from each other.

“What’s the verdict?” Chan thumbs at Felix’s cheek softly.

“It was nice, but I am unfortunately still not in love with you.” Felix goes red.

“So that’s what this was about,” Chan says, gaping at the younger playfully.

“It was worth a shot.” Chan half expects Felix to be weird about it, but he is pleasantly surprised when Felix pecks his lips again. “Thank you for everything.”

“Thank you too, Felix.”

 

♡♡♡

 

When Felix leans in to kiss Chan as soon as they hop in the car the next day, Chan understands it’s a promise. _I’ve got you._ The rest of the members don’t question it.

 

♡♡♡

 

There’s a knock on his bedroom door. Chan glances at the clock to find that it’s well past eleven. He wonders what anyone would want this late. When he opens the door, he sees Minho leaning against the wall.

“Hey, do you want to get something to eat? I was gonna ask Woojin hyung to tag along too?” Minho asks, hands shoved into his pockets awkwardly as he shifts his weight from one leg to the other.

“No thanks. Goodnight.” It takes everything in Chan not to give in and say yes.

“Seriously, why are you shutting me out lately, hyung? If I did something, please tell me because I miss you and I hate this distance. I don’t want you to be mad at me anymore.” Minho has hurt laced in his voice and it breaks Chan’s heart.

“I’m not mad at you.” No, he’s mad at himself for treating Minho like this, for loving Minho like this.

“Bullshit. With the way you’ve been acting lately, it’s clear you have a problem with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” _This is so stupid,_ he thinks.

“You brush me off whenever I try to talk to you, we haven’t hung out at all this week, and you barely even look at me anymore. You can’t even look me in the eye right now, hyung. I don’t know what I did wrong. Just please tell me why you’re upset me?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He finally meets Minho’s gaze and regrets it when he sees how distraught the younger is. He grips the doorknob and swallows. “I’m really tired, so I’m just gonna-”

“No, hyung. I want to sort this out now. I hate not knowing.” He looks worried for a moment before he asks, “Did...you find out something about me that upset you?”

“What?” Chan can’t think of any sort of new information he’s found out, let alone something bad.

“Nevermind. I just - I just want you back.” Minho places a firm hand on the door. He can't possibly realize, Chan thinks, just how badly that stung.

“You shouldn’t,” he whispers and his heart feels like it’s going to burst.

“What? You’re my best friend. Why would you ever say that? Do you - did I overstep any boundaries? I’m so sorry. I can back off with the skinship and worrying if that’s it.”

He sounds so defeated and Chan can’t deal with it. He can’t keep hurting him like this. He misses going out every night to eat with him and Woojin, he misses play fighting on the couch, and he misses talking about nothing in particular all night. He misses Minho so badly.

“Dammit, that's the problem. I don't ever want you to back off. I want more of everything from you because I’m so in love with you it fucking hurts.”

It comes out harsher than he intended. Minho blinks down at him, mouth hanging open in shock and Chan has to look away again. It’s eerily silent in the room. He thinks it’s really the end this time. He confessed and now his dreams are crushed. He ruined his career and, more importantly, everything the other eight have been working so hard for. Stray Kids is going to fall apart because he couldn’t keep his stupid fucking mouth shut.

“That’s not - you shouldn’t joke about things like that,” Minho mumbles.

“This isn’t a joke, Minho. I love you more than I should and I know this is probably really awkward and uncomfortable for you, but it’s true and I’m sorry.” There’s an ache in his chest that won’t subside. Chan’s surprised he hasn’t broken down yet with how much this hurts. He supposes he’s reached a point somewhere beyond tears. “I’ve been avoiding you because I’m trying to get over you and make sure I don’t make things worse for -”

Chan stops speaking when he hears a shuddered gasp. Minho’s crying, sobbing, in front of him and wiping at his cheeks. His face is a cross between pained, betrayed, and angered. Chan moves to hug him, but decides against it because it would probably only make things worse.

“I thought - this whole time - I thought you were,” Minho hiccups and shakes his head. “I didn’t know you were... Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I know I should have told you sooner instead of being an ass, but I was scared of, well, a reaction like this, honestly.” Chan caves in on himself, shrinking into as small of a person he can while still standing.

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Minho puts his hands on Chan’s shoulders and pushes him further into the room. The door clicks shut and Chan prepares to get his ass kicked when Minho shoves him onto the bed. He’s got his hands balled up into fists by his sides as he glares down at him. “You’re so fucking dumb. I can’t believe you just -” He runs a hand through his hair and clenches his jaw. Minho is staring down at him venomously. Chan feels like a kicked puppy and probably looks like one too.

“I’m sorry,” Chan whispers, chewing on his lip. “Please don't hate me.”

He sounds pathetic (still a puppy: begging for forgiveness and whining with pitifully wet eyes, he thinks) and it makes him cringe slightly.

“I don’t want you to be sorry, I want,” his tone sounds less angry now, more sad than anything. Minho's expression suddenly softens and the tension leaves his body, muscles relaxing. “Dammit.”

And then he’s kissing him. Minho is kissing Chan and it’s better than he could have ever imagined. Once the initial shock subsides, their lips move together like they’ve been starved of each other and they can finally have a taste again. Chan has a million questions and he’s scared of the answers to all of them, but Minho runs his tongue across his bottom lip, slips his tongue into his mouth, and _oh_ , that feels really nice.

Chan has never kissed someone like this before and the sensations are all so pleasantly new. The slide of Minho’s tongue against his own makes his toes curl and he can’t get enough. He lets out an embarrassing noise from the back of his throat when Minho nibbles at his bottom lip then swipes his tongue over it. He feels him smile against his lips. The kiss ends far quicker than Chan wants. Minho’s laughing when he pulls away, eyes sparkling with something Chan can’t exactly place.

“I am so confused.” Chan’s breathless, chest rising and falling rapidly as he tries to calm down. The buzz under his skin, however, refuses to fade.

“I’m fucking gay, you dumbass. And I’m very much in love with you too.” Minho says it like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

That is not a possibility Chan has ever considered. Minho returning his feelings seemed like a near impossible scenario he didn't bother entertaining. Chan is half convinced this is all some sort of elaborate dream he is going to wake up from at any moment.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” It’s the best thing he can manage to say while he recovers from the kiss.

“Why didn’t you?” Minho quirks an eyebrow, looking at Chan like he’s asked something ridiculous.

“Because I didn’t think you’d feel the same way and I didn’t think you even liked - oh.” Okay, maybe it was a ridiculous question.

It's absurd, he muses, that they've been in the same situation the whole time. Chan is reminded of every painful moment, every time Felix had to hold him and wipe his tears in the middle of the night to soothe the ache in his chest. God, did Minho even have a Felix?

“Yeah.”

Chan examines Minho, who is still hovering over him, smiling brilliantly, and the thoughts are pushed away. He's so lost in how ethereal his friend (crush? boyfriend?) is. These were questions for another time. Now, he indulges.

“Can we,” he casts his eyes down and blushes. “Can you kiss me again?”

“Already can't get enough of me?” Minho winks at him.

“On second thought, maybe I don't love you.” Chan giggles. Since when does he giggle?

God, he's got it bad.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to follow me or yell at me, [here's my twitter](https://twitter.com/pentagonisms) and [here's my nsfw/fic account.](https://twitter.com/skzdominho)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter talks about past sexual experiences briefly, so be aware!!!

 

Minho is warm, Chan realizes when he is perched in his lap and resting his head on his shoulder the next morning. The younger is rubbing soothing circles on his back, humming a tune he can’t recognize. It’s sweet, soft enough to have a flustered pink dust his cheeks.

 

“How long have you liked me?” Chan shifts to get more comfortable. 

 

"Since you asked me to officially join the group,” Minho says without hesitation. 

 

“What? I never would have known.”

 

“I flirt with you literally all the time. You just never did anything about it so I assumed you were either straight or not interested in me.” Minho shrugs.

 

“I thought you were just really friendly...”

 

“Why did I fall in love with the most oblivious man on the face of the Earth?” Minho turns his head to peck Chan's lips softly. “How long have you liked me?”

 

Chan thinks back to when he first met Minho. As soon as he joined JYP, word of his skill spread like wildfire. Minho was the most anticipated trainee they’d gotten in a while, praised for his time as a backup dancer for BTS. Chan didn’t really pay the hype much attention because he was too caught up in putting together the team. 

 

It wasn’t until he stumbled across Minho in one of the practice rooms that the rumors crossed his mind. The way he moved his body was incredible and Chan finally understood why everyone was talking about Minho. He thought the feeling that spread through his chest when he finally became friends with the dancer was just admiration at the time. 

 

“I think I’ve liked you since then too,” Chan says as his cheeks heat up, a bit embarrassed. 

 

“You blush a lot.” Minho tilts his head to the side and beams when Chan groans.

 

“It’s just because a lot of this, the relationship stuff, is new to me. I don’t have much experience.”

 

“Exactly how much experience do you have then, hyung?” Minho lifts Chan’s head to cup his cheeks fondly.

 

“Well, um, I’ve never actually dated a boy before. I haven’t made out with one either, but it’s okay!” Chan notices Minho’s worried expression and backtracks. “I’ve known I was bisexual for a really long time, so you don’t have to worry about the whole self discovery and self acceptance th- why are you freaking out?”

 

“Oh my God,” Minho gasps, pulling his hands away. “If I would have known, I wouldn’t have been so... _ aggressive _ when you confessed to me.” Minho looks frazzled, eyes darting around the room to look at anything other than Chan.

 

“No! I mean,” Chan places Minho’s hands back on his face and looks up at him through his lashes. He remembers kissing Bambam when he was 15. It was weird and didn’t mean anything to either of them other despite it being both of their firsts; they only kissed out of curiosity and because Chan wanted his first to be with someone he trusted. “That wasn't the first time I've kissed a guy or anything. It was just the first time someone kissed me like _ that _ and I really–um–liked it. A lot. I wouldn’t mind kissing you some more.”

 

“Why are you so adorable? Who let you be this cute?” Minho presses kisses all over Chan’s face.

 

“Stop!” Chan buries his head in Minho’s chest with a smile. “I don't deserve you. You're too sweet.”

 

“Bang Chan,” Minho says, resting his cheek on his head. “You deserve the entire world and more. The least I can give you is all of my love.”

 

“I'll give you all of mine too, Lee Minho.” Love.  _ Love.  _ Chan feels a pleasant thrum under his skin and nuzzles into Minho’s touch like a happy puppy. “How much experience do  _ you _ have then?”

 

Minho’s eyes suddenly widen and his cheeks heat up. Chan isn’t quite sure what he has to be embarrassed about, given that he must have done more than Chan himself has. Even if he hasn’t, he knows Chan isn’t in any position to make fun of him. 

 

“I’ve done,” Minho mumbles. “ _ Things.” _

 

“ _ Things, _ huh?” Chan’s tone is teasing and that only seems to fluster Minho more. 

 

“Shut up,” Minho says, but there’s no bite behind it. “You know what I mean.”

 

Chan has a pretty good idea of what MInho’s talking about, but it’s so much fun being the one causing him to get shy rather than the other way around; he wants to draw this out, see how long they can play this game before Minho loses it. 

 

“Hm,” Chan hums, tilting his head to the side to feign innocence. “I don’t think I do. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

 

Minho let’s his forehead rest on Chan’s shoulder, grumbling about how  _ this isn’t fair _ . The younger takes a deep breath and lifts his head so it is level with Chan’s ear. 

 

“You really wanna know?” Something in Minho’s voice is different. His embarrassment seems to be gone completely, replaced with a teasing lilt that makes Chan’s hands feel clammy.

 

“Yeah.” Chan swallows and tries to calm himself down. 

 

“When I went on tour before I joined the company, I had a friend I would meet up with. We weren’t exactly dating, but we found each other when we needed…  _ stress relief. _ ” Minho’s breath tickles Chan’s skin and he shivers. “At first, it was just about jerking each other off as quickly as possible and then pretending nothing happened, but eventually we went further. On the last night of the tour, he fucked me into the mattress until I came untouched.”

“Oh,” Chan says dumbly, feeling his cock filling out in his jeans. 

 

“That specific enough for you, hyung?” Minho practically purrs in his lap. Minho may have turned the tables, but Chan doesn’t want to let him win that easily. He has to take the upper hand again. 

 

“It’s good to know you can come like that. Maybe we should try it sometime, hm? See how long it takes until you fall apart just from my cock?” Minho sucks in a harsh breath before letting it out shakily. He grips Chan’s shoulder’s tight and swallows audibly. 

 

“ _ Hyung,”  _ he protests, face on fire when he pulls back to look Chan in the eye. “It’s  _ way _ too early for you to talk like that.”

 

“Bold words coming from the one that started this.” Minho playfully slaps his chest and suppresses a laugh. 

 

“Anyway,” Minho says much too loudly, smiling brilliantly. “I’m gonna shower now, so I’ll see you at breakfast.” With that, Minho kisses the tip of Chan’s nose, untangles himself from Chan, and slips away to the bathroom. 

 

Chan decides he is far too giddy to keep his newfound relationship to himself and knows he has to tell someone. As soon as Minho shuts the bathroom door, he practically runs to Felix’s room to break the news. Afterall, Felix is the one that has had to deal with him gushing over Minho constantly. 

 

“Felix, Felix, Felix! Wake up!” Chan shakes the younger boy lightly. Felix rubs at his eyes, blinking away the remnants of sleep. 

 

“Hyung,” he whines, squinting up at him and scrunching up his face in annoyance. “Can this wait until I’m not half asleep?”

 

“No. I have to tell someone or I’m going to explode.” It really does feel like he might burst with the way his heart is pounding and skin is buzzing. 

 

“Ugh, fine. What’s up?” Felix sits up, stretching out his arms with a groan.

 

“Long story short, I told him and he kissed me and I’m pretty sure he’s my boyfriend now and I think this might be heaven because this is all too good to be true.” Chan bounces as he explains the situation as fast as he can get the words past his lips.

 

“What?” Felix's eyes widen comically and he seems very much awake now. “No, hold up. I'm gonna need the full story because there is so much to unpack here.”

  
  
  


♡♡♡

 

Shortly after catching Felix up on the events of the last 24 hours, Chan makes everyone breakfast. He’s in the middle of cooking eggs when he feels arms snake around his torso. 

 

“Smells good,” Minho says, resting his chin on Chan’s shoulder. “I love a man that can cook.”

 

Chan scans his surroundings quickly before letting out a relieved laugh. “Minho! Someone could have saw,” he scolds, half joking and half serious. 

 

“Mm. Who cares? Not like I don’t pull shit like this all the time.”

 

“That’s true. You’re a notorious flirt.”

 

“Guilty as charged,” Minho laughs. He stands on his toes to reach Chan’s cheek and pecks him quickly before slinking away to  sit in the living room. 

 

The rest of the members slowly retreat from the depths of their rooms once the smell of eggs and toast fill the dorm. They’re all messy haired and half asleep and Chan can’t help but smile. He really does have everything now, he thinks as he chops up the last bit of fruit he needs to finish the meal. 

 

As everyone eats, Chan can’t stop glancing at Minho and smiling like an idiot. It barely feels real, like he dreamed up last night and this morning. Minho likes him too. Minho likes him and he kissed him and whispered filthy things to him and  _ god _ it’s all almost too much. 

 

“Someone’s happy today,” Woojin says, smiling at Chan fondly. His tone is void of any curiosity as to why he’s in such a good mood. Instead, Woojin just seems glad that Chan is out of the funk he’s been in. 

 

Woojin worries about him a lot.  Chan knows it must have been hard not knowing what’s been up with him lately. He usually talks to Woojin about his problems, but he can’t exactly be as open about this one. 

 

“Yeah,” Chan says, returning the older’s fond gaze. “Yeah, I really am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that this is so short ;;;; i just wanted to give you something and the next part I have written is too heavy. enjoy this cute lil chapter for now because things aren't always going to stay happy.


End file.
